


Subterfuge

by romanticalgirl



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-31
Updated: 2014-01-31
Packaged: 2018-01-10 15:57:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1161699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romanticalgirl/pseuds/romanticalgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Revelations - Through Xander's eyes</p>
            </blockquote>





	Subterfuge

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted 1999-2000

I'm sitting stiffly between them, two of the girls that I love. We're listening to Oz's band, and I have to admit they're pretty good. Of course, I've been a lot more receptive to wolf-boy since I started stealing smoochies from his girlfriend.

I try not to think about that, instead losing myself in a 70's Blaxploitation film fantasy. I've got a big gun, cheesy fur coat, Willow on one arm, Cordy on the other. Buffy? She's my bodyguard, dressed in tight leather

There's applause suddenly and I'm snapped out of my reverie. Oz removes his guitar and heads over to usto her. 

"Oz! Hey! Have a seatexcept, we don't have seats." 

The Bronze is packed. The Dingoes are getting quite the groupies. 

"It's okay. I'll just scrunch in." 

Wills moves her stool and I realize she's headed my way. I'm frozen like a deer, unable to move. She bumps against me, her eyes as wild as mine must be. I quickly scoot over, pressing ever closer to Cordelia. 

"Xander, why are you giving me a lapdance?" 

I try to smile, but I imagine it comes out sickly. Stroking her arm, I croak, "What? I just like ya." 

She pulls her arm away and puts distance between us. 

"And that's very beautiful." Will is talking now, and I realize she and I are not cut out for these games of subterfuge. "I think it's great when two people like two people and want to be close to them instead of anyone else." 

Oz is smiling? He thinks she's being cute, I think she's acting guilty as hell. Maybe we're both right. Gotta put my two cents in. "Here, here!" 

"Yeah. Well put." Oz points to the cluster of cups in the center of the table. "Hey, can I snap a sip?" 

"Sure." 

"Yeah, you got it." 

My hand touches hers and I lose all motor skills for what seems like hours. Our eyes meet and we both jerk back from the contact. 

I feel my hand connect with the waitress' tray and scramble off my stool to try and catch it. 

There's a reason I don't play sports. I look at the drinks staining the ground. The room applauds, almost as loudly as they did for the band. Raising my hands, I welcome all who worship the King of the Cretins. 

"Thank you! Thank you!" I turn and wave, ignoring Willow and Cordelia's mortified looks. "Uh, we're here through Saturday. Enjoy the veal." 

I think, if there was room, Willow would crawl under the table. I climb back onto my stool while Oz grabs a cup. Oh sure. Now he thinks of it. 

"Why are you guys so hyper?" 

How to change the subject? 

"Hey! Speaking of people and things they do that aren't like usual, anyone notice Buffy acting sort of different?" 

Oh, good Will. Not suspicious at all. 

Oz grimaces and I begin to fear for my life until I realize it's just the drink. "Let's see, uh, killing zombiesuh, torching sewer monsters and No. That's pretty much the, uh, same old Buffster." I really have to start practicing. 

But Willow's distracted now and taking everyone off on her new train of thought. "Well, I just mean, you know, she's off by herself a lot more, and she's kind ofdistracted." 

Cordelia smiles happily. "Think maybe she has a new honey?" 

"A boyfriend? Why wouldn't she tell us?" 

I wonder briefly at the thought of Buffy dating. Does it bother me? 

"Excuse me? When your last steady killed half the class, and then your rebound guy sends you a dump-o-gram? It makes a girl shy." 

Nah. Can't be a guy. "But we're the best of Buffy's bestest buds. She'd tell us." 

"Tell you what?" 

Sheesh, her and the vampires. Sneaky. We all look at her, eyes questioning. My other, very unofficial, gal. 

"About your new boyfriend. Who we made up. Unless we didn't?" Willow's curious, but I can tell she's maybe a little hurt at the thought of Buffy holding out on her. 

"This was a topic of discussion?" 

"Well, raised. But never discussed." Oz was deadpan. Was he ever anything else? 

"So are you dating somebody or not?" That's my Cordelia - the soul of patience and tact. 

Buffy is stalling, and I'm starting to worry. Has she been hiding something from us? 

"I wouldn't use the word dating. But I am going out with somebody. Tonight, as a matter of fact." 

"Really? Who?" Looks like Will's curiosity won. 

Someone touches my shoulder and I look to see Faith moving in to our little group. 

"Yo. What's up? Hey, time to motorvate." She nudges Buffy casually and she responds by putting her arm around her partner in non-crime. 

"Really, we're just good friends." 

I watch them leave the club, ignoring whatever else is now taking place around me. I'm off in my fantasyland again, this time with two slayers and thoughts too naughty to mention.

*****

God, I've never been so tired. 

We've been here for so many hours, I'm not sure if it's day or night. All I know is that I've looked through more books tonight than ever before in Slayerette history. Had I known we'd be breaking records tonight, I would have called a press conference. 

Cordy and Oz went home hours ago, both practically asleep on their feet. We had to force them to leave. Will and I stayed, but now I'm tempted to call it quits. 

Giles is scowling at one of the many thick books that surround him, and I'm just staying out of his way. The last thing he wants to hear right now is that we have found more of absolutely nothing. According to Buffy, this new Watcher is an uber-Giles and he's feeling threatened, his Watcher manhood on the line. 

"Oh, this is intolerable. There's not a word here about Lagos or the Glove." He's really upset. He's slamming books around like they were the bad guys. "We don't have time for this near missing." 

He drops the book on the table and I get the sneaky suspicion he'd much rather throw it across the room. Turning, he tells us the same thing he's said all night. 

"Just find out all you can about the demon, its-its-its strengths, its-its weaknesses, its places of origin, and most importantly, what it plans to do with this blasted Glove." 

He's pointing at me with his glasses, getting close to actually poking me. I realize he's upset and frustrated, but I'm tired, cranky and I've got problems of my own. Hello breaking point. "Hey, you're not the Watcher of me." 

"Then go home. But if you chose to stay, then work." 

I just stare at him as he heads for his office, trying hard not to give in to the temptation of sticking my tongue out at him. I head for the stacks, properly chastised. I have to help. It's my job. 

"Ugh." Willow slams her - what? 700th? - book of the night closed. "It's late. I'm tired. What does he want from us, anyway?" 

We make our way back to the little nest of books we've created. 

"The number of a qualified surgeon to remove the British flag from his butt?" 

She sits next to me and it feels more like collapsing. The fatigue washes over us both as I pick up yet another book. 

"My eyes are all blurry." 

I try like hell to concentrate on the book, ignoring her presence next to me. And I'm doing all right, until she moans. 

"Ooh"

She's leaning forward, rubbing her temples. I cast a few furtive glances her way. I'm arguing with myself now - Cordelia's my girlfriend. Willow's my best friend. And that's all. 

But I still reach out. I pull her hair back a little and start rubbing. Her hands fall to her lap as she gives in to my touch. I close my eyes for a second as the memory of every other woman I've ever lusted after - Miss French, Ampata, Buffy, Cordelia - is gone. 

All that's left is her and the beating of my heart as she moans a little more. 

"Oh, stop." 

Stop. "Right." I can't stop. "Stop means no" I don't * want * to stop. "And no means no, so um" I have to stop. "Stop." 

I pull away and she sits up. I pick up the book again, hoping to use a demon or two to get my mind off her. And I can, I'm sure of it. Until suddenly, she grabs me and I'm lost in Willow's kiss. 

I reach up to touch her for a million reasons. To pull her closer. To keep her from changing her mind. To make sure she's real. Her hand strokes my jaw line and I keep wishing she'd bury her fingers in my hair. 

I want to pull her closer, kiss her harder, deeper. 

"Willow, Xander"

We break apart and scramble to our feet. I'm worried that we're going to knock over the bookcase. My heart is pounding, my breathing labored. Oh God, did he see us? 

"You can stop your, uh, studying." 

Right. Studying. Demons. I wipe my mouth, trying to erase any evidence of the kiss. Did he see? Does he know? Are we both going to die? Willow's hugging herself, biting her nails with worry. 

"I've got what I need." 

I try to speak, but have trouble finding my voice. "What have you got?'

"Uh, the probable location of the Glove on Myhnegon." He looks at us both, and I breathe a sigh of relief. If he saw, he ain't talkin'. "It's, uh, housed in the Von Hauptman family crypt." 

"Yeah." Okay brain. Work. "That's the big one over at the Restfield Cemetery." 

Willow's practically shaking and my overwhelming urge is to hold her. I've got to get out of here. "Yeah, well, that's great, Giles. Um, how'd you find it?" 

"I looked." 

This looks like a job for the Slayer. "Where's Buffy at?" 

"Uh, I'm not sure." 

Isn't that his job? Well, I guess this is a job for Xander Harris, action man. "Well, I'll go check out this, uh, crypt." I start to leave, knowing I've got to put some distance between us. I look at her as I walk past her. And I've got to do it now, because it's getting harder and harder. But on the plus side, I'm not tired anymore. "Um, tell her heads-up if she, uh, stops by." 

I walk out, even though Willow is still talking to Giles. I can't stand hearing the guilt in her voice. And I can't stand facing mine.

*****

So here it is. Restfield Cemetery. One of twelve in the city. Why does no one find that odd? I make my way through the headstones, crypts and mausoleums trying to control my breathing. Heavy breathing is just a little too loud when there are no other sounds. 

What the hell am I doing out here? I'm not the Slayer. But I'm also not in the library with Willow, pretending we didn't just experience our own personal fourth of July. "Hey, Giles, here's a nifty idea. Why don't I alleviate my guilt by goin' out and gettin' myself really, really killed?" 

What's that noise? I duck behind some bushes close to the Von Hauptman's home away from home and wait. Sure enough, I hear the stone door grinding and a figure comes out, carrying something that I'm gonna guess is the golden glove. 

I'm torn between rushing back to Giles to get some backup and following this demon-guy or whatever to his lair when the moonlight hits him just right. 

Angel. 

My world comes crashing down around my shoulders as that one name echoes through my head. 

Slipping the stake out of my sleeve, I follow him. My greatest enemy.

*****

I give him a few minutes after he enters the mansion. Why did none of us think to check here? Why did we just assume that he'd be gone forever? Since when in Sunnydale does "I killed him" mean "He's dead. For good."? 

I sneak down the outside stairs, marveling at how cocky this bastard is. There are windows everywhere in this place. Good for me, not so good for vampires. I'll have to remember that little tidbit to tell Buffy. I look in the window, bracing myself, expecting to see Angel in full vamp mode looking out at me. 

It's not enough, the bracing. Nothing could ever be enough to prepare me to see him. Kissing her. Kissing Buffy.

*****

My heart is pounding. I'm running faster than I've ever run before, and that includes the times the demons have been running after me. I'm trying not to think, but the thoughts keep swirling in my brain. * Buffy was kissing Angel * * The world is going to end * * Oh, God, why does she have to love a demon? * *Why the fuck was she kissing Angel? * * Where did he come from? * 

It keeps going. A never-ending cycle of questions and emotions that threaten to overtake me. I'm pissed and hurt and frightened like I've never been before. Nothing bothers me as I practically fly to Giles' apartment. I think, right now, the night is afraid of me. 

I slam into the door, thankful it's unlocked. It flies back into the wall and I burst in on him and Miss Post. Any other time, a patented smart-ass Xander Harris comment would have marked my entrance, but tonight all I can do is gasp. 

"Giles! We have a big problem! It's Buffy." 

Even worried for my life and the lives of all my friends, I don't break the Slayerette code. She's still a stranger, even if she is a Watcher. 

"Will you excuse us?" 

He walks over to me, ramrod straight. Obviously I did interrupt something so not of the romantic nature. We stand over by the staircase and I briefly wonder how he can still live here after finding Miss Calendar. Which brings me right back to tonight's double jeopardy question. 

"What about Buffy?" He's worried, I can tell by his expression. That's good. I want him worried. I don't want to be the only one. 

"Mansion." I still haven't caught my breath. "Angel. She was kissing Angel." 

"Angel?" He was about to comment when she speaks up. 

"Would you like some assistance?" 

We look up at her, dead silent. Giles smiles narrowly. He does not like this woman. "Thank you. That won't be necessary." 

She turns around and he looks at me, his eyes hard. "Go to the library. Tell the others. I'll meet you there later." 

I start to leave, but his hand on my sleeve stops me. 

"I don't have to tell you how"

"No Giles. You don't." 

*****

Oz holds the library door open for Willow and Cordelia. They both look like they've just gotten out of bed. And for good reason. I mean, a good reason other than my fantasy life. Ozlooks just like Oz. 

"All right, Harris. This better be good. I'm not wearing make-up." 

And she looks beautiful. Okay. Focus. 

"Sit down. You're not going to like this."

*****

We're all sitting in the same seats we sat in last night as we figured out how we were going to do this. When Giles finally arrived, he had four very upset teenagers to calm down. I don't think it worked. All I can feel is this overwhelming anger that I'm trying to control and not doing a very good job. And I'm not sure what I'm more scared of; Angel or the fact that it would be so easy to turn into my father. 

Giles is standing by the railing, his back to all of us. I can't even imagine what he's going through. I remember what he looked like when I found him that day. It took him most of the summer to heal from the damage Angelus had caused. He'd lost more than most of us to Buffy's beau, I just hoped he had something to hold onto. 

"Lagos is out of luck. I got the magic mitten thingy." 

He turns, just as we all do, to look at her. Our savior. Our betrayer? 

"What's with the tragedy masks?" 

"Better take a seat, Buffy." 

I get up, since there are no more chairs, setting mine right in front of her. I step away; not wanting to be too close to her, afraid the anger inside me will spill out. 

"What's going on?" She sits down, honestly confused. She's got us all fooled. 

"We know Angel is alive." She looks shocked, horrified. Maybe guilty? "Xander saw you with him. It would appear that you've been hiding him and that you lied to us." 

She looks away, probably afraid to face us now that she's been caught. 

Willow straightens a little in her chair. "Nobody's here to blame you, Buffy. But this is serious. You need help." 

I wonder if Willow sees any parallels here. I sure do, and I barely passed Geometry. 

"It's not what you think." Buffy's looking at Wills imploringly, begging her to understand. I figure I'd better say something before she sways Willow to her side. 

"Hope not. Because I think you're harboring a vicious killer." My face is impassive. Even the look she gives me can't get through. 

"This isn't about attacking Buffy. Remember, 'I' statements only. 'I feel angry.' 'I feel worried.'"

"Fine. Here's one." Cordy speaks up and I look over at her. "I feel worriedabout me! Last time around, Angel barely laid a hand on Buffy. He was *way * more interested in killing her friends." 

"But he's better now." 

"Better for how long, Buffy? I mean, did you even think about that?" Think about us? 

She stands up, and I can tell she doesn't think that she deserves this. "What is this? Demons Anonymous?" She starts to leave and my anger starts to build. "I don't need an intervention, here." 

"Oh, don't you?" Giles' voice is soft but steely. Buffy turns and faces him. "You must've know it was wrong seeing Angel or you wouldn't have hidden it from all of us." 

"I was going to tell you." Right. "I was. I..it was just that II didn't know why he came back. I just wanted to wait." 

Building. "For what? For Angel to go psycho again the next time you give him a happy?" 

She's defensive now, hurt. "I'm not going to" She raises her hand as if to ward me off. "We're not together like that." 

Oz, calm as always, brings us back on track. "But you were kissing him." 

Willow looks at Oz then at Buffy. Buffy is quiet for a minute before she turns to me. "You were spying on me?" She steps toward me. "What gives you the right?" 

I stare at her. I want to say so many things. I wasn't following you, I was following him. Miss Calendar? Giles? All the other people Angel killled? All the people he threatened? Does she not remember Willow in his grip, neck poised for biting? What gives me the right? 

"What gives you the right to suck face with your demon lover again?" 

She stops staring at me and turns to Cordelia, hoping to see acceptance or even understanding in one of our faces. "It was an accident." 

"What, you just tripped and fell on his lips?" Okay, I'm not thinking of Willow. I'm not thinking of Willow. 

"It was wrong, okay? I know that, and I know that it can't happen again. But you guys have to believe me. I would never put you in any danger. If I thought for a second that Angel was going to hurt anyone"

The anger has stopped building now. If I don't let it out it's going to explode. "you would stop him. Like you did last time with Miss Calendar." 

That shut her up. 

I freeze at my thought. How many times had I heard my father utter those words? Willow jumps in now, perhaps seeing something on my face. "Buffy, I feel that when it comes to Angel, you can't see straight. And that's why we're, we're all gonna help you face this." 

"But he's better now, I swear. Look, you guys, he's the one that found the Glove of Myhnegon. H-he's keeping it safe for us in the mansion." 

God, is she really this stupid? Does he make her this stupid? "Right! Great plan! Leave tons of firepower with the scary guy, and leave us to clean up the mess." While you run away. I don't say that, but my anger from this summer is fresh again. She's my friend and I love her, but I'm tired of trying to pick up the pieces every time things go wrong. 

I can't take it anymore. I turn to leave, knowing that we're not going to get through to her, no matter how long we talk or what we say. It's like it was when Druscilla hypnotized Kendra. He's got that hold on her. And there's only one way to break it. 

She knows what I'm thinking, I imagine, which is why she grabs my arm and whirls me around to face her. "You'd just love an excuse to hurt him, wouldn't you?" 

"I don't need an excuse. I think lots of dead people actually constitutes *a reason *."

"Right. This is all nobility. This has nothing to do with jealousy." 

I smirk. I want to tell her that I'm so far past her that it's not even funny. I want to reveal to her all the things I've done since I've moved on. I'm just about to when one of those things speaks up. 

"Hello? Miss Not-Over-Yourself-Yet?" My smirk almost makes it to a smile. My woman, defending us. 

Buffy shakes her head. "Don't you start with me." 

Willow is visibly upset. "Giles, no one's doing the 'I' statements." 

He's had enough. We all have. "That's enough! Everybody. Now, Buffy knows our concerns, and her actions, however ill-advised, can be understood." We all look at him like he's crazy. Except Buffy. She thinks her Watcher's siding with her. "Ourpriority right now is to retrieve the Glove of Myhnegon and try to destroy it. Now, all of you, back to classes." 

We file out, me in the lead. The anger's still hot inside me. I roll my eyes so Buffy can see and leave. But this isn't over. Not over by far.

****

I managed to avoid everyone the rest of the day. But now it's night and I've been prowling my room for hours. I feel like a vampire waiting for sundown. If the demon inside a vamp is anything like the anger inside me, tonight is not going to be a pretty sight. I'm keeping myself in check, but one false move, one vampire sighting, and the beast is gonna feed.  
And I'm scaring the hell out of myself. I burst out of my room and run for the door. I don't want to see my parents and I have to get out. I'm driving myself crazy. I go to the Bronze and decide to play pool. Aggressive, but cultured. I can knock the shit out of some balls and then the anger will be gone.

I set up the table. Normally there'd be dozens of people clamoring around wanting to play, but I think something is telling them to stay back. I remove the triangle and go to line up my shot. Why is it that everything I become - a hyena, a soldier - all have this aggression? This anger? Is this what my father feels right before he hits…

I take my shot. And sink the cue ball. Nice to know the King is still in residence. I pick it up and walk back to line up the next shot. Faith walks up and I realize we forgot to add the other Slayer to our little party.

"You look pissed."

I pick my shot. "Rough day."

"Tell me about it."

"Rather just shoot." I don't want to talk about it anymore.

"Don't think I don't know what you and your pals were talking about behind my back today."

I see. The end of the world is hinged on Angel's next erection and her *feelings * are hurt. "Yeah? And what was that?"

"More about this glove deal than you're saying."

"The Glove of Myhnegon?" Oh, yeah. Forgot about that. "Right." I aim, nonchalant as all hell, and shoot. "How'd you like a hit of some real news? Angel's still alive."

I start walking the table, looking for my next shot. She looks like she just got punched in the stomach. "The vampire."

No. The other Angel. "Back in town. Saw him myself. Toting the popular and famous glove." I ignore her now and aim again.

"Angel."

I shoot and watch the balls careen about the table. Wondering what she's going to do. What kind of Slayer is she?

"Guy like that, with that kind of glove, could kill a whole mess of people."

Could kill someone I love. "Said the same thing to Buffy myself. Weird how she didn't seem to care." I aim. Maybe I'll actually sink something this time.

"Buffy knew he was alive." I shoot. Score one for Faith. She's a quick one. "I can't believe her."

Join the crowd. "She says he's clean."

"Yeah, well, I say we can't afford to find out." I look at her intently. I think I know where she's going and I realize I want to go along for the ride. "I say I deal with this problem right now. I say I slay."

"Can I come?"

*****  
We don't speak the entire way to the library. We walk quickly, our anger and betrayal fueling our steps. We get there easily. As a Slayerette, I know the quickest way to the library from any spot in town. We burst in and head for the cage.

"Good old Sunnydale library. Fully equipped with reference books, file cards…" I open the cabinet and smile. "and weapons."

"Beauty."

"I call crossbow." I reach in. I'm not the Slayer. I want the long distance weapon.

"You got it."

We each grab a handful, not wanted to be caught empty handed. I close the doors and look at her. "All right, ready to go?"

"That I am."

I would think, as determined as I am, I wouldn't hear things like this, but I do. A low moan comes from Giles' office and I'm scared to death. "Wait."

"What?"

I run in, afraid of what I'm going to find. Visions of my friends, drained of blood and of life are filling my eyes. Giles is lying on the floor. I toss the crossbow down and kneel down. "Oh, my God. It's Giles!" I lift his head to my knees. There's blood on his head and he's barely conscious. "Giles, can you hear me?" I look around, frantic. "What the hell happened?"

"Gee, let me guess."

"Stop. Hold it. Just think a minute."

"Yeah. I'm thinking. Thinking Buffy's ex-meat did this."

I realize in a flash that all my anger's gone. I'm thinking rationally for the first time since I saw them kissing. "It's not Angel's style." I dial 911, not analyzing the fact that I'm defending the thing I hate most in this world.

"The guy's a demon! How much proof do you need?"

"Bite marks would be nice." All right, so he didn't bite Miss Calendar, but that one was for effect. This wasn't artistry. This was sloppy. "Yeah, I have a medical emergency. Sunnydale High." Bet they aren't surprised to hear that.

"Screw this waiting crap." She starts to leave and I start to panic.

"Faith, if we leave, Giles could die!"

"Yeah, and he's gonna have a whole lot of company, unless I do something permanent." She heads out again and I have to stop her. I have to explain that I'm wrong and I don't know how to do it.

"Wait!"

"For what? You to grow a pair? You handle the baby-sit, and I'm gonna kill Angel."

She leaves, and I'm sitting here with Giles' head in my lap. I want to cry. I want to scream. But all I can do is whisper, "Damn it."

*****  
After what seems like an eternity, the paramedics show up and bandage up his head. One of them tries to reassure me that head wounds always look worse than they are, but I can hear the others talking and they're worried. They load him onto a gurney and all I can do is watch as they start to wheel him out.

"Giles is gonna be psyched that we showed up stuffy old Mrs. Post."

I freeze, staring at the stacks when I hear her voice. This isn't going to be easy. I hear something clang behind me and then Buffy is there at her Watcher's side.

"Oh, my God."

One of the paramedics is talking into her radio, sending his information on ahead. I turn my attention now to Buffy.

"What happened?" She looks so scared. So lost. "Giles…" She looks at the paramedics, needing them to talk to her. "What happened?"

"No time for this." She starts to wheel him out.

Giles' voice is weak. "Wait…" The paramedic stops, probably afraid something's wrong. Boy, she doesn't know the half of it. "Buffy, you must…must destroy the glove…"

Realizing that it's not medical, the woman glares at Buffy. "You want him to live? Get out of the way." They roll him away, but the Watcher's not done.

"Use…living…flame."

"Move!" They push him out the doors and he's gone.

Welcome to my day of reckoning. Willow is staring at me, concern in her eyes. She knows something is going on, and she knows she's not going to like it. Buffy joins in. All I can do is stare back, trying to fight the guilt and shame inside.

"What happened?"

The $64,000 question. "You boyfriend's not as cured as you thought." Why did I just say that?

"What makes you think that Angel had anything to do with this?"

"We saw what you saw." And I don't. I just don't know how to tell you. And I want you to be angry, so maybe you can save the bloodsucker's life. Or lack thereof.

"So you just assume?"

I hear the tears in her voice and my guilt washes over me. I tried to defend him, Buffy. Do you think she'd believe that one? "I didn't. Faith did."

Willow looks over at Buffy and I know we're all thinking the same thing.

"What did you tell her?"

"Only what everyone knows. She's a big girl. Came to her own conclusions." Right after I opened the door and showed her right where they were.

She's angry now. Maybe Dead-boy will have a chance. "How much of a head start does she have?"

"Ten minutes."

She steps over to Willow, her eyes pleading. "Go through Giles' research. Figure out how to destroy the glove."

She glares at me and then she's gone. I've hurt her tonight. I never thought I could do that. Willow stares after her for a moment then looks at me. Her glare pierces my heart. Oh God, I hope I can make this up to them somehow. I start to speak, to justify myself.

"Shut up and help me."

I follow her into the office and we split up. She takes his desk and I take the small table. I can't look at the floor where I found him. I'm quiet, afraid to speak and give her a reason to yell at me.

"Xander?"

There are tears in her voice and, for a moment, she sounds like the little girl I used to know. "Yeah, Will?"

"Is Giles going to be okay?"

"We all are."

She nods and brushes her tears away. Lifting some papers, she makes a small noise. "Found it. Living Flame. Help me."

We gather ingredients and Willow mixes them. I read through bits and pieces of the books that are in English, trying to make sure we have the right amount of each powder. We work silently for the most part, the sexual tension that has been surrounding us for days gone for the moment.

"Think we got it?"

Will shrugs. "Well, it's either the catalyst for Living Flame or just some really smelly sand." She looks at me and I see the worry in her eyes. "We'll have to test this."

"I'll double check." I look at the book in my hand, the last from Giles' stack. My eyes widen.

"What?"

"I know what the glove does." I show her the passage I've just found. She takes it in.

"There's no time to test this." She grabs the bag we had set aside while I blow out the candles. Picking up the mixing bowl, I dump the mixture in the bag. She's closing it up and we're both out the door. We've got no time to waste.

*****  
I think I know what eternity is going to feel like now. The trip from the library to the mansion was the longest of my life. But we ran, full of fear and of hope. I held her hand tightly, so afraid to let go.

We ran into the mansion and Mrs. Post was against the wall, looking worse for wear. We knelt beside her to make sure she was okay.

"The glove! It's in the trunk."

She's really upset. Guess she reads the same books I do. "We'll get it."

"Help Faith."

I rush to the atrium where the two Slayers are locked in battle. If it weren't so horrifying, it would be beautiful. I remember the passage from the book and charge out to interrupt them. "What are you…" They face off and I realize to make them listen, I'm going to have to jump into the middle of this fight. "Stop! Guys! Listen!"

Faith grabs me and the next thing I know, I'm getting a little too intimate with a lamppost. I ricochet off and land on the sidewalk. As the view starts to fade, I make a mental note. *Never * get between two Slayers.

*****  
I come to and quickly realize it's all over. Buffy is just headed back into the room, so I struggle to my feet and follow her. The five of us that are left - Buffy, Angel, Willow, Faith and myself - make our way to the middle of the room. The Glove of Myhnegon is lying there; part of Mrs. Post's arm still attached.

I really have to find a new job.

The tines in the glove unhook from her flesh with a sickening sound. Angel picks up a blanket and wraps it around both.

"I…" Willow freezes as everyone looks at her. "I brought the Living Flame."

Angel nods and motions her toward a small cauldron he has set up. Whoo-boy. He's one of the good guys. I hate it when I guess wrong. Buffy doesn't look at me, instead heading over to Faith. The other girl refuses her attention. "I gotta go. I'll talk to you later."

I walk over to Willow and Angel. He's lit the wood under the cauldron and is taking the powder from Willow's hand. The last time she was this close to him, he had his fangs at her neck. She's amazing, my Willow.

He begins to chant, sprinkling the powder in at various times. I feel Buffy standing next to me and reach over to squeeze her hand. It's not much but it's a start.

*****  
It's before school, and I'm exhausted. I really need a decent night's sleep. One without vampires or gloves or Slayers or sexy best friends haunting my dreams and waking hours. I summarize the night for Oz and Cordy, letting Willow throw little bits in. I notice she leaves out the part where she was knocked unconscious. I think she's a little embarrassed.

After I'm done, Cordy sums everything up for me. "So there's no more glove thingy?"

Hell. I could have just said that. "No. Little Living Flame, little mesquite, gone for good."

"Sounds like we missed a lot of fun."

What does Willow see in this guy? I take my arm from around Cordelia's shoulders, leaning forward to emphasis my point. "Then we're telling it wrong."

"What do you think Buffy and Angel are gonna do?" Willow and her romantic streak.

"Boy, do I don't know."

Cordelia gives me a strange look, but Willow speaks before she can say anything. "Well, he saved me from a horrible, flamey death. That sort of makes me like him again."

She smiles sadly and I realize I now owe her life to that jerk. Why is it everybody gets to save Willow's life but me? Oz takes a bullet; Angel almost takes a lightning bolt. What do I do? I get to walk her home from the library. "Well, as long as she and Angel don't get pelvic, we'll be okay, I guess."

I can tell Cordelia's not comfortable with that or the fact that I've accepted this. Buffy steps up to the couch to join us and I sit up straight.

"What are you guys talking about?"

"Oddly enough, your boyfriend. Again."

Was that only a couple of nights ago?

"He's not my boyfriend." She sits next to me, the sadness radiating off her in waves. "Really, truly, he's…" she sighs and I can tell this is hard for her. And this time, I care. "I don't know." She looks over at Cordy and me. We meet her gaze. "Are we cool?"

Okay. I can do this. I can be honest and noble. I can put my jealousy and anger aside. I'm a better man than my father. I'm a better man than I think. "Yeah. Just seeing the two of you kissing after everything that happened, I leaned toward the postal." I pause and consider what to say next. "I trust you."

"I don't. Just for the record."

Are any of us surprised?

Giles comes up to us and clears his throat. He's got a huge bandage on his head, but he's okay. That's all that matters.

Buffy tilts her head a little. "Let me guess. Gwendolyn Post - not a Watcher?"

"Yes, she was." He slowly makes his way up the steps and stands nearby, leaning on the railing for support. "She was, uh, kicked out by the council a couple of years ago for misuses of dark power. They swear there was a memo."

All in all, everything worked out okay. A black eye for me, scrapes and bruises for Willow, a gash on the forehead for Giles and a broken heart for Buffy. Figures, the one thing that gets hurt on the Slayer is the one thing her accelerated healing can't fix.

"Well, I'd better go." She looks at me, her eyes still sad. "Little more damage control."

She leaves and Giles sits in her vacated spot. Willow sighs, the romance of it all still getting to her, "The whole Angel thing is so weird."

"Yes, well, we'll have to see how that unfolds, won't we?"

Giles doesn't say it. But we all think it. We're all afraid we've seen the unfolding - the ending - before. And we're all praying we're wrong. Except for me. I'm pretty sure we are. Because as sad as Buffy's eyes were just a moment ago, they were still filled with the greatest weapon any Slayer, Watcher or Slayerette has.

Hope.


End file.
